“Divorce: Practical ways to cope with the anger, loneliness, guilt, fear of divorce,” is a 1993 publication of Int’l Lutheran Layman’s League, “Lutheran Hour Ministries.”
Picking up on what I last wrote in this Blog, let’s take a look at something author Jean-Marc Daignault, Director, Care Associates, wrote for this free pamphlet.
In a section titled “Emotion,” Ms Daignault relates a vignette about a woman named “Tricia” who harbors anger and resentment toward her former husband.
“‘I think it’s because he’s so inconsiderate,’ she explained. ‘Yesterday, for example, was our youngest daughter’s birthday. She waited all day for her father to call or visit; true to form, he never showed up.’ [It] became clear that Tricia’s ex-husband wasn’t being malicious. It was simply the way he was: disorganized and preoccupied. It was part of his nature to be forgetful. What Tricia wanted was for her ex-husband to be somebody else. He wasn’t. He never could be somebody else.
“That meant Tricia had to focus on who she was….
“The anger Tricia felt was based on someone else’s behavior, a behavior which, in her case, could not be changed.” When she accepts the reality of that situation, Jean-Marc Daignault counsels, the anger will go away.
Divorce has inherent consequences. Some of those may include disappointments for our children, shortcomings to which they’ll be exposed. In many cases, these are realities that existed when we were together with the person we married; we couldn’t tolorate or change them then, so it’s important to recognize that we are even less well-positioned to do so now that we are divorced.
You can’t “protect” your children from such things. More importantly, the vast majority of the time, it’s not your place to even try.
Again refer to Matthew 7 as your guide here.
Off-Site References
“Lutheran Hour Ministries: ‘Divorce,’ Part 1 (on Coping)” / August 31, 2009 / Divorce Pastor (accessed September 8, 2024)