This can be tough to discern when it’s being used as a coercive tactic, because divorce has some very real deadlines as well. [1-3] If you’re trying to negotiate a divorce settlement in anticipation of making an initial Filing that… Continue Reading…

In the area where I practice, divorce mediators may refer to this as your “Last, Best Offer.” [1] One of the ways in which this is manifest is by opposing counsel: “If you want us to meet for a possible… Continue Reading…

This is a tactic very commonly used to gain advantage in divorce negotiations. In my practice, we call it “Man Out of the Room Syndrome.” [1] Or, as Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People labels it, “Higher Authority.” [2] The game… Continue Reading…

Yes, Virginia— wolves in sheeps’ clothing can be found even in divorce mediations. [1-2] Authors Ronald M. Shapiro and Mark A. Jankowski (with James Dale) expose the “strategically difficult” type of negotiator in their book titled, Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible… Continue Reading…

This one is often a shocker for people. But, as you can imagine, it’s a good thing for a divorce counselor, and especially a divorce mediator, to know. Things heat up. How long do you allow for them to cool… Continue Reading…

In the early 1980s, most of my consulting work was as what’s commonly called an “executive coach,” and in organizational design. The latter fundmantally means studying interactions between two or more individuals and developing means by which they can best… Continue Reading…

One of the ways I effectively use to challenge entrenched thinking about divorce is through engaging in not-readily-apparent discussion of similar paths. “A Taste of Armageddon” is frequently applicable to divorce process. It’s a story from the original Star Trek… Continue Reading…

Many people post-divorce seem to feel compelled to say that they’re “still friends.” “Jonathan and David – Soul Friends,” is how The Message titles 1 Samuel 18. The text that follows begins with this paragraph. By the time David had… Continue Reading…

Every so often, someone suggests to me that “the Christian approach to divorce” is inherently negotiation from a position of weakness. They cite Luke 6:29-30 in particular. “If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also…. Continue Reading…

Sometimes the distribution of research can be as important or more so than its source. In this case, I’m referring to statistics in a chart titled “Divorce cause,” that’s part of the Lutheran Hour Ministries (Int’l Lutheran Laymen’s League) pamphlet… Continue Reading…