This, and what Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People labels “Silence,” exploits what almost seems to defy human nature in a lot of folks. [1-2] If you’re a “rescuer” or “care-taker,” then moments of seeming non-progress in divorce negotiations will likely cause you to feel compelled to rush-in with options, proposed solutions, and even adjustments to the substantively thought-out issues on which you prepared pre-meeting. At the very least, you’re succeptable to thinking you should explain yourself further. [3-6]. Conversely, the disciplined, quiet listener gains advantage. If you’re giving, they simply take in those moves on the negotiating line. If you’re… Continue Reading…
August 31, 2019
In the area where I practice, divorce mediators may refer to this as your “Last, Best Offer.” [1] One of the ways in which this is manifest is by opposing counsel: “If you want us to meet for a possible divorce settlement, you’d better come with your last, best offer.” Okay, so what are your options once you get there if these are the terms? They are inviting you to say, “Take it or leave it.” In other words, if you come in with your “last, best offer,” and at any point give concessions after discussion, then your position is… Continue Reading…
August 19, 2019
Be careful when an organizational structure advocates co-anything as a leadership construct. Some divorce support groups favor co-facilitated discussions, typically led by one man and one woman (unaffiliated), out of a perception that this supports a better balance in participation and improvements via same-gender connect-ability. I’ve also seen divorce mediations similarly managed. In fact, all the better if the co-mediators have little if any prior experience in even working together before-hand. The argument is that this provides for a purity of direction, solutions more driven from the bottom up. Potential bias is minimized. But at what cost? Everything has a… Continue Reading…