Many people post-divorce seem to feel compelled to say that they’re “still friends.”
“Jonathan and David – Soul Friends,” is how The Message titles 1 Samuel 18. The text that follows begins with this paragraph.
By the time David had finished reporting to Saul, Jonathan was deeply impressed with David — an immediate bond was forged between them. He became totally committed to David. From that point on he would be David’s number-one advocate and friend.
Jonathan put himself at great risk for David, as we see, for example, in 1 Samuel 19:1-3.
“A Covenant Friendship in God’s Name” compellingly expands on this precious relationship between the two men, at 1 Samuel 20. Trust is tested in the face of incredible claims. At 1 Samuel 20:33, Jonathan is nearly killed by his own father, who lashes out at him in a rage after hearing of his son’s devotion to David.
Such a friendship is surely recommended as bedrock to the best of marriages.
But divorce is by definition a breaking of the most fundamental of trust and devotion between spouses. One needn’t ascribe fault or malice to accept this reality. Nor does a lack of friendship portend animosity or perpetuating conflict. Rather, it is simply something which is no longer available between these particular two people.
A label of “friend” should never be given out as a consolation prize. It diminishes what was (which should be honored among those blessed to have had it in former marriages, even if they did not perpetuate). It cheapens what is, when you think of all the close friends you have today, what they would do for you, what you would share with them, the transparency upon which those relationships depend.
And it starts you off with the wrong standard for any future friendship, let alone marriage, you may come to consider.
Off-Site Reference
“Friendship is not a consolation prize” / September 4, 2009 / Divorce Pastor (accessed October 2, 2024)