This can be tough to discern when it’s being used as a coercive tactic, because divorce has some very real deadlines as well. [1-3]
If you’re trying to negotiate a divorce settlement in anticipation of making an initial Filing that includes a resulting agreement as attachment, the Sword of Damocles (equally available to both) is to bifurcate the process by Filing before that work is complete. The threat is expense, public exposure of issues as they’re consequently sorted out in divorce court, and a whole host of additional system-imposed deadlines. [4]
At a subordinate level, there are Motion Hearing deadlines: “Wrap this up as I’ve demanded by tonight or we’re filing a Motion to be heard before the Court in seven days. Have a nice weekend!” Click.
Depositions, Interrogatories, and all sorts of broad Discovery demands have inherent deadlines that, among other things, portend an onerous effect on the recipient’s life by way of what he or she must do to comply, and by when.
I don’t mean to suggest that any of these is inherently gratuitous or obviously abusive in nature.
However, like gravity — which is good for keeping furniture stuck to the floor of your living room, but a deadly prospect for one who’s fallen out of an airplane in flight — in the realm of divorce negotiation, its application may come from ulterior motives. In other words, the fact that some action creates a real deadline does not keep it from being a manipulative tactic launched to create “an arbitrary time pressure” intended “to try and make you come to an agreement that may not be ideal.”
Divorce machinery often exploits the inherently raw emotions involved to convince one spouse that they are somehow advantaged by poking holes in the bottom of a canoe in which they are currently bound with their spouse. Hence, the reality of imposed-time initiatives here can be hard to derail.
However, as Ronald M. Shapiro and Mark A. Jankowski point out in Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People, “… we always have some power of our own” [5].
In other words, don’t react to this ploy from your gut. In fact, realizing that it is, in fact, a coercive tactic may actually tell you a lot about the strength (or, more likely, lack thereof) of the position held by the other side.
Or, at least, their perception of it.
Off-Site References
“Game-playing in divorce negotiation: ‘False Deadlines’” / September 2, 2019 / Michigan Divorce Negotiation (accessed September 9, 2024)
- “Use Deadlines for Powerful Negotiations” / September 6, 2004 / Harvard Business School (accessed September 9, 2024)
- “Dealing with dirty negotiation tricks: Artificial Deadlines” / September 5, 2018 / CMA Consulting (accessed September 9, 2024)
- “Navigating Time Pressure In Negotiations: A Double-Edged Sword” / January 30, 2024 / Forbes (accessed September 9, 2024)
- “The Sword of Damocles – Fables of the World – See U in History” / April 14, 2022 / See U in History / Mythology (via YouTube, accessed September 9, 2024)
- Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People: How to Beat Them without Joining Them / 2007 / James M Dale, Mark A Jankowski, and Ronald M Shapiro (via Amazon, accessed August 12, 2024)